I will admit that I’m not great at accepting help. Recently, it came as a revelation that allowing others to help me, may be truly meaningful to them. I’d never considered help from the perspective of the giver before. I thought that I was “taking” from others when I asked for their assistance. I resisted doing it. But what if accepting help from others gives them the chance to show that they are there for me, and to share their gifts with me? That is a major shift in perspective!
Independence As a Mindset
Historically, I preferred to figure things out for myself and to not distract others with my needs. I thought that independence was always the goal: head down, sort it out for myself. As a teacher, most of the day-to-day planning, delivering lessons, and marking was done independently. But now that I’m facing a big change in my life, I realize that I need help to accomplish my goals.
Examining My Truth Behind Independence
When I revisited my teaching career, it dawned on me that during times of big changes; such as, moving to a new school, starting a new position, or changing grades, I had looked for help. I’d sought out colleagues with more experience in the area that I was moving into. I’d also purchases some materials that I thought would work for my new position, instead of making everything from scratch. I’d found help, but I did it out of necessity. Generally, I resisted accepting support because it felt like I was imposing on others, and not being independent. However, when I was the helper, I really enjoyed it. I was excited to share resources and tips whenever colleagues asked me.
In order to get better at accepting help, we have to stop seeing it as selfish, but rather as a healthy way to respond to others and enrich our relationships. The more we can accept, the more we have to offer. When we deny ourselves, we deny the people close to us. Generosity is a two-way street from which everyone benefits.”*
Lisa Firestone Ph.D., Psychology Today
Changing My Mindset To Appreciate Help
Now, that I realize that helping is meaningful to the giver and the receiver, it’s going to be much easier to ask for and look for assistance. I’m not “taking” from anyone. I see the value of interdependence for the giver and the receiver. It brings people together and strengthens the connection between them.* It’s truly meaningful for both of us.
What is your experience with accepting help? Comment below.
*https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/compassion-matters/202110/how-let-people-help-you
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