Statistically, we experience life changes every 12 to 18 months.* You’d think we’d be good at it by now, and for the most part we are very good at adapting. Changes can be thrust upon us by forces outside our control. As teachers, we adapted to changes that popped up unexpectedly in curriculum, board policies, new schedules and a constant stream of students arriving and departing during the year. Changes can also be something we choose, such as deciding to move, adopting a pet, or painting the kitchen. Despite our copious experience with change, we tend to resist choosing change.
When Change Chooses You
When change chooses you, the choice is out of your control. It can be very uncomfortable, painful even, to accept. But it’s also easier because there are less steps involved.
You deal with the change. For example, when a new student arrived unexpectedly, as teachers we:
1. Assessed the situation: “Do I have a desk for this new student? Where can I fit a new desk in my classroom? Do I have supplies for them?”
2. Decided the best ways to adapt to the change.
When change chooses you, it involves some mental work in the form of decision-making, and emotional work because it’s often stressful. There may be tears of frustration or anger, depending on what the change is. But ultimately, you accept it and move on when change chooses you.
When You Choose Change
When you choose change, it’s a longer and more demanding process of decision-making and involves lots of emotional work. According to the Trans-theoretical Model Of Change,** there are 5 stages until you’re at a position to maintain a life change!
For example, if you were considering adopting a pet, it might look like this:
- Feeling that maybe a pet might be something that you’d like to add to your life. You’re unsettled. You’re uncomfortable with your life situation right now, but unsure about whether you want any change.
- Imagining the change: you start considering all the options (Why are you choosing to get a pet? What would your life look like with a pet? What are all the pros and cons of doing this?) There’s indecision, and trepidation.
- Preparing for the change: creating a timeline and digging into what’s involved in getting the pet that you want. This is an exciting stage full of expectation and wonder.
- Action: getting the pet and dealing with the unexpected obstacles that pop up. This is the “oh my, what did I get myself into?” stage. It’s normal to feel disoriented and have some self-doubt.
- Maintenance: living your life with your new pet. You’re identifying and making any adjustments as necessary to the ups and downs of having a new pet. There are joys and there is shit, and you’re ok with it all.
Looking at this brief overview of change, it’s understandable that we resist it. We know how much work is involved making all these decisions and coping with some difficult emotions. It can seem easier to avoid it. Life is busy enough adapting to the changes that arrived uninvited, why would anyone want to add more to the mix?
The Price of Not Choosing Change
Just as there is a price to choosing change, there is a price for avoiding it. It’s that stuck feeling. As family therapist Sue English explains:
“Being resistant to change is natural. But there may come a time when it becomes more uncomfortable to stay the same than to move forward. If you resist change, says English, you may:
- feel stagnant or stuck
- limit your growth
- stifle your creativity
- reduce your chances for connection
‘This could translate into lost opportunities for promotions or advancements, acquiring new skill sets, job satisfaction, and healthy relationships,’ she says.”***
Choose Your Discomfort
What tips the balance from the discomfort of staying the same to the discomfort of choosing to change, is personal. Both are uncomfortable places to be but one offers the possibility of something better. Change requires an ability to imagine a different future for yourself and the courage to take the first step towards it.
I know that it’s a process that is made much easier with support and assistance. I wouldn’t be where I am now without my coach. Knowing someone was there to guide me through the process, removed the weight of the fear and gave me courage. It was, and is, still uncomfortable at times but it’s built my confidence in my power to choose change.
What changes in your life can you imagine?
* theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/09/major-life-changes-happen-clocklike-regularity/616243/
**Transtheoretical Model Of Change (Boston Uni)
***https://psychcentral.com/blog/adapting-to-change
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