It is the perfect day when I look at it objectively: a slower pace with space to create, and gentle surroundings. If I had imagined a perfect day in the future as I was retiring from teaching, this would be it. But humming through me, there’s a disturbing feeling of dissatisfaction that surprises me. No problem, I thought. All I need is to lean into acceptance with a meditation, and then I’ll feel content. The meditation helped me to acknowledge my feelings, but I still carry the dissatisfaction with the day. I know that I’m supposed to enjoy the journey, but what do I do if the journey is going well but it isn’t creating the happiness that I thought that it would?
Why Can’t I Enjoy A Perfect Day?
It turns out that striving for my dreams doesn’t lead to happiness even when things are going well. What kind of bizarre life trickery is that! When life is challenging, I expected to struggle with discontent but not when the process was moving along smoothly. Why can’t I enjoy the smooth ride?
Acceptance Isn’t The Whole Story
I’m beginning to realize that happiness has more to do with contentment than just acceptance. Recently, I reconnected with a friend who is in a much different place this year than she was when we first met. She’s radiating happiness. Her face positively glows. She didn’t win the lottery, or suddenly have amazing experiences happen in her life. In fact, the details of her life are much the same as they were with a mix of struggles and joys. She’s changed. I’m not sure if she set an intention to do this, but she has developed the ability to be content. For her, that means not striving for things but “leaving the door open” to the possibilities that come her way.
A Different Way To See Life
Being content in a society that pushes us to achieve more, buy more and strive for more is a huge mindset shift. We are surrounded by media that tells us to consume. At work, we were driven to achieve more status, qualifications, and income. That growth mindset, that educators love to lean on has its foundation in acquiring more knowledge. Seeking contentment is a completely different way to do life and experience learning.
Contentment is abandoning that old definition of growth. It’s focusing on what is here right now rather than trying to acquire more. It’s the letting go of striving. That sounds like I have to give up on growing altogether but it’s not. It’s letting go of the discontented energy of striving and opening up to possibilities that appear. Ultimately, cultivating contentment means letting go of trying to control life and having faith that I already have what I need.
Picturing A Boat Ride
I’m thinking about it as letting my boat bob along on the current without using my energy to paddle in a certain direction. Instead, I’m using my energy to focus on the opportunities that appear and making decisions about how I’d like to react to them. The decisions and my reactions are governed by the general direction that I’d like to go, but the speed and the way I get there, that’s not in my control. It never was. The oars were just there as a distraction to give me the illusion of control and to stop me from being content with the ride as it is.
Cultivating Contentment
According to this article from Greater Good Magazine, “Instead of striving for temporary happiness, we can settle into a sustainable sense of contentment that nobody can take away from us, and nobody can give to us, either. It is already inside of us, and it just takes a little practice to begin experiencing it for ourselves.” * Here are two next steps:
- Practice staying in the moment and accepting everything that’s present, even the tough feelings.*
- “Rather than desiring things we don’t have, we can appreciate what we do have.”**
Practicing A New Mindset
As with any mindset shift, it takes persistent intention and practice for it to become second nature. Just writing it down or reading it once will not do it. My next step is to write it on a sticky note with a little boat sketch and attach it to my mirror, so that I can consistently remind myself of my learning. I look forward to more contentment as I bob along in my boat, watching for opportunities and waving goodbye to the oars. It really is a lovely little boat and I’m content to be here.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the inter-play between contentment, acceptance and striving for your goals. Comment below.
**https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/out-the-darkness/201507/the-problem-wanting
Retired, And Now What? 