I was listening to Brené Brown’s Dare To Lead and I can’t get one specific idea out of my mind. What if the person who frustrates you the most is actually doing the best that they can? Suddenly, I reframed my thinking. If I assume that most people have positive intentions, that completely changes how I think about them, and interact with them. It’s mind-blowing.
My Perspective Does a 180º
Last week, the server who made numerous mistakes when they took our simple brunch order, was doing the best they could. Now, instead of being annoyed and frustrated with them, I’m compassionate. They haven’t done anything different. They still brought us an ice latte instead of hot coffee, but now the story I tell myself is different.
I’ve shifted my point of view. This is their best, and it’s a difficult job for them today, for whatever reason. Maybe they’re sick or their partner broke up with them or they just started this job? I don’t know and that’s the point. Instead of grumbling about their performance, be kind.
Assume Others Are Not Trying Disappoint
Brown is not advocating letting others walk all over you with poor behaviour. She uses the assumption of positive intent to help leaders realize when someone might need support, coaching, or reassigning. Instead of assuming that the person is trying to disappoint you, assume they’re doing their best.* I’m sure that the server wasn’t trying to disappoint us at brunch.
Apply This To Yourself Too
I know that I’ve disappointed others and myself from time to time. When I forget to pick up the milk or refill the gas tank for whatever reason, I need to remember that I was doing my best: self-compassion.
More Compassion: We’re Doing Our Best
The next time I catch myself being frustrated, angry or disappointed with the chores that someone else is doing at home, or the work that someone is doing in the community, I’ll be more tolerant. It’s a better world if I assume we’re all doing the best we can.
*https://www.thegrowthfaculty.com/blog/BrenBrowntoptipassumeothersaredoingthebesttheycan
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