I honestly think that most people are trying to do the best that they can. We use our time and resources to create the best possible holiday for others, for our families. They deserve the best. It’s how we (often, but not exclusively, mothers) show our love for them. But what about the cost to ourselves? Is it truly our best if we’ve sacrificed ourselves in the process?
“Holiday Magic” Creates Dread
I think I can do better. I acknowledge that it is easier for me to make a change because I no longer have a young family relying on the magic of Santa to make their Christmas dreams come true. Just remembering the pressure of making sure we were using different gift wrap for Santa’s gifts compared to our gifts, still makes my jaw clench. It’s so much pressure: all the tiny details to organize. And yet, I did it year after year because my family deserved the best holiday. However, I grew to hate and resent the holiday season. I approach it with dread.
Mom Guilt
I feel guilty for my attitude towards the holidays and how my stress affects my family. I realize that I’ve modelled crazy expectations for the next generation to assume. And yet, I also tell myself that if I step back, then things won’t get done and I will have ruined the holidays. It’s this belief that has kept me repeating this pattern each year: mom guilt.
What Solutions Are Out There?
It outrages me to see ads in the media that acknowledge the stress of the season on moms, but tell them to just do more self-care. An ad in The Globe And Mail newspaper tells women to take a “hot-girl stroll” around your neighbourhood in some new fitness gear.** (Yes, I’m swearing.) Instead of helping moms cope with their holiday stress, how about relieving them of the stress?
A Real Solution
A 2021 poll of holiday stress on parents, The University Of Michigan Health found that, “fathers look to work as a way to reduce their stress” while “more mothers say help from family members reduces their stress.”*** And there is the key, tucked away in this poll: ask for help.
Ask For Help
I’m trying it this year. At first, it is difficult to relinquish control over the season. What if others don’t do as good a job? Then I realized, that’s the brilliance of letting go. It doesn’t matter. They will be doing the best that they can. Their best is perfectly acceptable and good. I will not be doing it all. Freedom to enjoy the holidays, at last!
How do you divide the holiday work to create less of a burden on one person? Comment below.
*https://www.washingtonpost.com/parenting/2022/12/05/mothers-holiday-stress-overwhelm/
**https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/adv/article-embrace-the-flow/?
***https://mottpoll.org/reports/tis-season-stressed
Retired, And Now What? 
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