Have you ever tried talking to someone when you’re not in the same room as they are? You keep raising your voice in frustration. Yes? Then of course, like me, you’ve had others try to talk to you from another room, when you’re busy in the kitchen surrounded by running water, and a beeping microwave. It’s infuriating! Don’t they know that I can’t hear them? We laugh about it and yet we still do this. Why do we do this to ourselves?
Why do we talk from another room?
I think I do this for two reasons. First, this is a busy-bee problem. I think about something I need to tell someone while I’m busy doing something else in another room. I’m afraid that if I wait until I’m in the same room as they are, I’ll forget what I needed to tell them. This happens. It’s called the Doorway Effect.*
Secondly, I do this to absolve myself from responsibility: a case of conversational tag. I told you this information: tag. Now you’re “it.” It’s up to you to receive it.
In both cases, it’s disrespectful to the other person, and it’s not effective communication. It leaves everyone irritated, confused and annoyed.
What are the reasons that you do this?
How do we stop ourselves from doing this?
- Take a breath. Whenever we think of information that we need to tell someone, while we’re busy doing something else, take a breath. A mindful pause will help us to remember what we want to tell them, and stop us from yelling it to them from another room.
- If it’s essential information that we’re afraid we’ll forget, we can text it to them, record it on a voice note, or write it on a sticky note.
- Get over the fact that everything we’re thinking about NEEDS to be communicated immediately with others. It usually doesn’t.
What strategies work for you and your family to avoid conversations from another room?
When It Happens To You: Create Boundaries
Stop acknowledging that someone is speaking from another room, when you can’t hear what they’re saying. Let your family know that, “If I can’t see you, presume that I didn’t hear you.” You may also need to require eye contact with the speaker, if you’re hard of hearing like I am.
Effective Communication Builds Relationships
It is worth taking the time to be in the same room and have a meaningful conversation. You can hear more easily, and understand each other, and there’s a lot less frustration.
Do you communicate clearly at home? This quiz can give you some insight (click here).
*https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160307-why-does-walking-through-doorways-make-us-forget
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