Thanks to a friend’s wisdom, I’m more comfortable connecting with others. I used to feel like I was imposing on them, or interrupting their lives, by asking if they wanted to get together when I was in their neighbourhood. What if they didn’t want to see me, and were just agreeing to our meeting because they didn’t want to disappoint me? Ugh, I’d hate to do that to them. I was discussing this with my friend, and she said something that changed my whole perspective on the issue: they have the choice to say no.
You don’t need to decide for them. Your friends can say, “No.”
The Transition To Socializing Without Your Old Workplace
One of the struggles that we face when we retire is creating a social network without the help of a daily workplace. When I was working, I saw many of my friends just because we went to the same place everyday. It was easier to touch base on how they were doing, and arrange to meet for a coffee, or a lunch outside of work. Now, I’m relying on reaching out to others regularly to re-connect. Being aware that it’s better to invite others than to avoid it, opens up a lot more opportunities to socialize.
Invite More Often, But Gently
While it is true that others have the choice to decline an invitation if they want to, I still feel like I want to make it clear that they have that choice. Many people struggle with saying no.* Now, I add a phrase to my invite, that takes the pressure off them and makes it easier for friends to decline, if they want to.
Some gentle words to consider that make the option open to them, include:
“…if that works for you.”
“…only if that’s convenient.
“…I’m fine either way. No pressure.”
“…if this doesn’t work for you, we can reschedule later.”
Thriving Social Life Ahead
Without the worry that I’m imposing on them, I’m able to invite others to get together more often, and I’m seeing my friends more regularly. That improves everyone’s mental health and wellness!**
What are some ways that you stay connected to friends now that you’re retired? Comment below.
*https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/of-prisons-and-pathos/202105/how-and-why-to-say-no
**https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/healthy-brain-happy-life/202206/8-things-consider-you-retire
Retired, And Now What? 