Going A Little Out Of My Depth

There’s wonderful comfort in staying put. Remaining in the same place and not moving can feel delightful. It’s familiar. There are few challenges to overcome or unexpected obstacles. It’s just like staying in a warm, cozy bed all day. Growth, getting out there, that can be truly terrifying.

How do we start growing without that “terrifying” feeling?

The short answer is, you don’t. But, the more nuanced answer is that the terror can be dialled down to the manageable level of “discomfort.” That’s what I’m aiming for: unease with growth. 

Paying Attention To The Pace Of Change

I know that I want to change. I’ve made that decision. But, the pace of the change is something I struggle with. I tend to want to see results right away. I’m impatient to be at that place, partly because I want those results, but also because being in this stage can be painful. I’m eager to get through it as fast as I can, like ripping off a bandaid. 

After briefly considering a rapid change, I realized that it’s not practical for me. I neither have the time to work day and night on the project, nor the monetary resources to suddenly create the change that I’m aiming for. And even if I did have the resources, I don’t think I would aim for fast change. I don’t have the emotional capacity to handle a terrifyingly huge jump. Keeping the pace at a steady trot, makes it manageable for me.

David Bowie said,  “Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth and when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting.”

He didn’t advise jumping into the deep end but rather getting to that spot where your feet can’t quite touch. It’s the sweet spot between having your feet planted reassuringly on the bottom and being in too deep to cope.

Sustainable Change

Moving forward slowly is more sustainable for me in time and money, and it also dilutes the terror of the change. Small steps enable me to adapt to them with more ease. They’re not huge changes at once. They’re smaller investments in time, money and energy. I get the opportunity to adjust to the new level because it’s only a little different from the one before it: just out of my depth. The newness is uncomfortable, but not terrifying.

We’re all different in the amount of change that we can tolerate at once. Perhaps larger steps suit you just fine. How do I satisfy my impatient self?  I look back on my progress and I see the huge distance that I’ve travelled one small, unsteady step at a time.

How do you like to do big life changes, in big leaps or in small steps? Comment below.

---