Are You Successful?

Re-thinking Success And Self-Worth

How do we measure success these days when it’s not as easy to identify using wages or position? I didn’t realize until recently that I was measuring my success in numbers, trying to quantify it. I also didn’t acknowledge how much my self-worth was connected to my measure of success.  

The Pressure To Succeed

Success seems to be intertwined with the productivity trap* where we need to be busy to be worthy. The pressures that we have all our lives to do things to be worthy, to earn, to achieve, to produce, and to accomplish are tremendous. 

That pressure doesn’t stop when we retire. You’d think that maybe it would, and that having had some successes in our lives would carry us forward into the next 30 or so years. If only.

Achievements As Worthiness Wins

When we were kids maybe we were celebrated for a good report card, for scoring a game-winning goal, or for getting accepted into a prestigious school, and then we felt proud of ourselves.  When my self-worth is tied to my achievements, it shrinks when I don’t achieve, win, or accomplish something that is recognized by the world as meaningful.

Worldly Success And Self-Worth

Worldly success seems to be like a currency. The more successful we are, the more impact we can make, and the more we are valued in the world.  That’s difficult to separate from how much we value ourselves. If we are less successful, do we view ourself as less valuable, less important? Understanding that we are worthy without doing anything at all is something that I struggle to get my head around.  

When our self-worth is tied to something that we DO have control over, such as daily learning and growing, or being kind to others, then we can have continued success all our lives. 

The Small Mindset Shift

While, I don’t think I’m at a stage where I can disconnect my feelings of worthiness from achievement, I can redefine what achievement means to me.  When I look at what feels successful to me it’s not the numbers, it’s the impact. It’s not the amount of people impacted. It’s an impact. A person. An action.

My Values Are My Gauge For Success

It’s whether what I’ve done has reflected my values. Not society’s values. Mine. The values that I’ve spent the past few years clarifying and really honing in on matter. I need to remind myself regularly, that MY values are what’s guiding me and not the values of commercialism. 

Reinforced Regularly To Be Believed

I need to celebrate my successes regularly to feel their importance to me. Talking about them as successes helps me believe that they are a success. I know that seems odd, but hearing myself express them as successes when someone asks me about them, reinforces my belief in them. “Yes, it was a successful meeting today because I took the next step towards building new connections with others,” (building community is one of my top values).

Living up to my values is my marker of success, and it’s something that I have full control over. It’s something I can do every day and that feels good and worthy.

How do you define success and has it changed over time? I’d love to hear from you. Comment below.

---

* “Many people these days report the feeling that they begin each morning in a kind of ‘productivity debt,’ which they must struggle to pay off over the course of the day, in hopes of returning to a zero balance by the time evening comes. If they fail – or worse, don’t even try – it’s as though they haven’t quite justified their existence on the planet.” – Oliver Burkeman, The Meditations For Mortals (p. 20), author of Four Thousand Weeks.

---