So many times in my life, the words that have come out of my mouth have not expressed the intention in my brain. There is immediate regret or embarrassment because the words have been harsh, or awkward, or just plain opposite to what I intended. I’ve cut people off, sounded ungrateful and appeared to celebrate when I meant to offer condolence. It doesn’t happen all the time or when I’m writing. Why is there such a mis-match sometimes when I speak?
The Challenge Of Talking
It’s much easier to write. I have time to pause, re-read and adjust. I often, but not always, catch a problem with tone, or words, or message. There’s time to reflect. Speaking is immediate and flows quickly. Many things need to be processed at once to do it effectively. Unlike writing, there is a person (or persons) right there, reacting and responding in real time. Oral communication is an emotional experience that occurs in the present.
Emotions Make The Difference
Most of my verbal gaffes have occurred at emotionally charged times, and that’s the key for me. When I’m excited, frustrated, or over-whelmed, the connection between my intention and my mouth gets frazzled.
“Brain scans have shown that we routinely make embarrassing blunders while rehearsing our sentences in ‘inner speech’, but the majority are caught before we say them out loud.”
Zaria Gorvett, BBC Future
However, verbal blunders get expressed when we are too tired, intoxicated or talking too quickly. Sadly, they also reported that this was more common as we age.* Staying more mindful, and taking a deep breath before speaking when I’m tired or emotionally over-charged, would help prevent some of these blunders.
How do you recover from putting your foot in your mouth?
- apologize in-person as soon as possible
- if it happened in front of others, apologize in front of them too (this includes on-line gaffes seen by others)**
Forgive Ourselves
I recognize that slips of the tongue happen to all of us and can’t be avoided altogether. Hopefully, we’ll remember to breathe and take a moment before speaking, when we’re tired or full of strong emotions. When we put our foot in our mouth, we’ll remove it and make amends immediately. I also think it’s a good idea to forgive ourselves for these moments. They’re gonna happen.
*https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160706-what-freudian-slips-really-reveal-about-your-mind An interesting read.
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