Why doesn’t a coach just tell you what to do? Isn’t it so much faster and easier to be told what to do next? “Do this and you’ll get the results that you want.” But, just as you can lead a horse to water, you can’t make it drink.
Why Can’t You Just Do It?
Life choices are more complex than just being given a list and following it. If it was as simple as that we would all be exercising regularly, taking our vitamins, attending to our spiritual and mental health, have rich relationships with others, and not a care in the world. There is an excess of advice and lists that we can access online to achieve all of this and more. But, generally we don’t do this, or if we try it for a while it doesn’t stick. For a significant life choice, we need to come to it ourselves. Personal autonomy is critical for adults: when you make the choice, you take ownership for it.
Autonomy, Beliefs and Values
However, even when we make our own big life choices, such as pursuing a new career or adopting a healthier lifestyle, the choice doesn’t always last or feel right. Why?
Not only do we need the autonomy to choose for ourselves, but our life choices need to fit our values and beliefs. If you have some beliefs about your abilities or the choice that aren’t true, you will struggle to choose that path until those beliefs are examined and addressed. Figuring out whether a choice is right for you takes time and it’s often a rather circuitous route of baby steps.
A Happy New Path
Recently, I was chatting with a woman who is closing her delightful used bookstore after many years to pursue a career in editing. I asked her what lead her to the editing field and she admitted that someone had suggested it to her years ago, but she dismissed the idea. After years of running writers’ workshops, coming to understand that there are different types of editing, and then taking a course, now she’s very happy with her new path.
They Told You So
When you get there, it’s common for those who know you to exclaim, “We’re not surprised that you chose this.” Or for someone to point out that they told you a few years ago that this was a path that was right for you. The point is that you were not ready to follow that path at that time. Now, you’re content with your decision.
Only You Can Tell You What To Do
Deciding on a new path often involves having a variety of other experiences before you get there. These experiences challenge your beliefs about yourself and allow you to examine whether this new path fits with your values. This can be a very lengthy process if you embark on it by yourself. A life coach can partner with you to identify your values, examine your beliefs and promote the change in a timely manner. But, only you can tell you what to do.
Have you experienced eventually choosing a new path that you once dismissed when it was suggested to you? Comment below.
Retired, And Now What? 
This is so true, Caroline! One of the things I enjoy about retirement coaching is seeing people hit that “aha moment” when something clicks. It’s about drawing out the answers that are within them rather than giving them the answers. But, that type of soul searching takes work and you’re right when you say people need to be ready.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The “aha moment” is the best. I used to get to experience that with my students when I was teaching. The moment that an idea lands and makes sense to them. It takes time to get there but it’s so worth it because it stays with them.
LikeLiked by 1 person