Midlife is a time for trying new things and with new experiences come many challenges and obstacles to work around. That’s part of the fun and frustration of learning. Generally, I love learning new skills and ideas. In the process of learning, there are obstacles that seem very important to master in order to make progress. When I want something badly, there’s the tendency to hold on tight, to grip it and laser-focus on it to the exclusion of other ideas and experiences. I get invested. I know that this iron grip does not serve me well as I grow into my new roles. I find that “holding it lightly” makes my new endeavours easier to implement and more successful in the long run.
Volunteering While Gripping Tightly
It’s about control. Trying to control the outcome and the experience. When I grip tightly I don’t allow for things to unfold naturally and for them to change course if needed. I’m not flexible. A recent example of this was when I started volunteering to teach crochet at a local elementary school. I loved the idea of spreading the joy of crochet to a new group of people so much, that I got emotionally invested and held on to control.
In the first few weeks, I found myself spending hours researching ideas, gathering hooks, scissors and yarn into kits, and creating information sheets with youtube links to helpful videos. I was holding on tightly and trying to make the experience successful for everyone. As a result, I was using a lot more of my time and resources than was necessary for a successful crochet club.
How did I know?
After the first few weeks, the carefully created crochet kits got mislaid by the students. Student attendance fluctuated with school trips, snow days and illness taking kids away at different times. Some more experienced students wanted to create different things than what I’d researched, and some students were content with making their own projects. Control wasn’t necessary or practical.
Loosening My Grip
The club really started thriving once I let go of teaching and moved into a facilitator role, giving each student the guidance that they wanted to move forward from where they were. Now projects are being completed and skills are growing organically.
Applying “Holding It Lightly” To Future Projects
By holding it lightly, I watch and wait and respond where needed. I’m more aware of the process. Possibilities reveal themselves that I wouldn’t have seen, if I’d been laser-focused on making it happen as I thought it was suppose to happen. I’m trying to remember to hold all my new projects lightly. It’s an ongoing challenge for me.
Have you noticed a difference between holding tightly and holding lightly when working on a new project? Comment below.
Retired, And Now What? 
Sounds like you have been a useful learning journey with this. It is similar to leadership styles, where an approach that inspires and enables is often much more effective than a directive one.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So true in leadership, Kevin!
My journey is including projects that I’ve initiated as a sole proprietor where I’m the owner and the employee. It’s especially difficult to hold it lightly when there’s a lot riding on the outcome.
LikeLike