The value is in the struggle. I often hear, “It’s all about the journey,” but that makes midlife sound like a wonderful vacation that we’re all on with beautiful views and delightful meals. It’s more of a struggle than a journey; one of constant adaption to changes. One minute things are lovely and the next there’s an illness or flat tire to deal with. It’s up and down and lots of change. Some downs are a significant challenge to work through and yet, there is value in all of it. Without the struggle, we don’t learn and grow.
Self-Help Books
I can read self-help books that give me the answers to my problems but rarely do they really help. It’s not the answers that bring the learning. It’s the struggling through the situation that creates the growth. But who wants to struggle? Struggle is uncomfortable, time-consuming, takes lots of energy and is often quite painful. There has to be a big motivation to counteract all that! Most folks want the results without the struggle, and it just doesn’t work that way.
Earn Your Learning
In coaching, we avoid telling others what to do and giving them the answers. It’s not because we might not see the answer that would work for them. It’s because to tell someone what to do makes the answer somewhat useless to them. If a person comes to the realization themselves, it’s powerful learning that will make sense to them. They are more likely to remember it, and use it to grow and move forward. It becomes their learning. It belongs to them. They’ve earned it. A coach creates conditions for this to happen.
Struggle Creates Understanding
This was a necessary learning model when I taught math. Creating situations where the students could develop their understanding of number by investigating and solving number problems, and then discussing their processes, lead to growth. If I just gave them the steps to calculate the area of an irregular shape, they would be able to do it in the moment. But, they would forget it quickly, and not be able to apply it to other situations where area was just part of a multi-step math problem. They wouldn’t truly understand the concept.
On The Struggle Bus?
Similarly, I can tell people the steps that they will probably go through when they retire in midlife. They will have a general idea by reading my blog posts or by looking at my social media posts. But struggling through their own retirement is what will lead to learning, and growth. Each person is headed in a direction that’s unique to them.
Because that journey can be bewildering and uncomfortable to do alone, having a coach to help you uncover the answers for yourself, and be there to support you through the rough bits is a huge relief. It speeds up the process. It makes this time of big change a little less unnerving, and more exciting. It’s like having your own guide on the midlife magical mystery tour.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about the value of struggle. Comment below.
Retired, And Now What? 
You’re right that nobody likes to struggle. But life’s struggles and challenges often lead to our greatest growth. We need the struggle.
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We do need struggle but we often avoid it at all costs because it’s so challenging. Remembering that we don’t have to do it alone makes it possible. Family, friends, professional support and community working together as a network to support each other as we grow. 🚌 💛
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