We’ve always been inundated online, in book stores, and in the newspaper with things that are aimed at improving our lives. It seems like it’s getting more intense lately. Walking along the street, every block has a fitness studio, or a juice bar, or holistic practitioner. They can all improve my health and wellbeing. They’re good, but are they good for me?
The Buffet Of Help
It’s easy to treat all these offerings as a buffet and sample bits and pieces: read a book about fasting, take beginner yoga, and watch a decluttering video. There. My life will now improve. I’m doing things that are good for me.
Constantly Returning To The Buffet
But, just because these things are good, doesn’t mean that they’re good for me specifically, or good for me at this moment in my life. Maybe this was why I kept returning to the “buffet” each season feeling somewhat disenchanted, and chose to sample a different selection? Nothing was sticking.
The Illusion Of Help
Sadly, the self-help industry is banking on me returning and making more purchases. The illusion of help is very enticing but actually changing is very hard. Without consistent help with the implementation, we all return to our default position in front of the buffet table.
As Dr Jim Taylor wrote in Personal Growth: Is the Self-help Industry a Fraud?:
“There are many obstacles that stand in the way of change, ranging from emotional baggage and ingrained habits to an environment that reinforces the status quo and is hostile to change. And, contrary to the assertions of just about every self-help book that has ever been written, change takes incredible commitment, time, energy, and effort. Someone might be able to show you the way, but you have to make the journey yourself.”*
What Actually Helps Me
Consistent support is the key for me to implement any new skill or programme. It can come in various forms from an exercise instructor/trainer who I enjoy working with, to a socially supportive craft group. I’ve found that the difference is the people. When I have a positive relationship with the person delivering the course or class, I enjoy going, I keep going, and I see results. I learn new skills, I get stronger, and I feel better.
It’s About The People
It’s one of the reasons why Zumba classes continue to be my favoured form of exercise. Apart from them being conveniently online, my instructor is positive and supportive, and just requires that we all “smile.” My knitting/crochet group is a terrific bunch of creative people who love to talk about books, movies, crafts etc, and just generally support each other. I discovered that I will even go to Pilates, if I have a buddy, and I like the instructor. (That was a surprise to me, as someone who was intimidated by the reformer machine.)
The Power Of We-Help
The word “self” is not enough. To be good for me, there needs to be others that I click with. It’s more of “we-help” than “self-help.” Maybe this is one of the reasons why self-help books and videos don’t actually help me – there’s no real person to interact with.
People, Not AI
In the age of AI, it’s worth remembering, that I can have a chat bot talk me through a series of steps that are supposed to be good for me, but only a real person can build a rapport with me, understand my feelings, care about me, and support me through change.
What makes the difference for you between good, and good for YOU? Comment below.
*https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-power-of-prime/201104/personal-growth-is-the-self-help-industry-a-fraud
