Decide now. React now. Do it now! There’s a lot of pressure to respond immediately when faced with anything from a simple social invitation to a more important broken fridge. When a disagreement happens, or a problem with the car appears, I feel an urgency to tackle it right away. The teacher in me always had to respond quickly when problems erupted in the classroom. A slow reaction to an agitated student with access to scissors could result in an impromptu hair cut for their classmate, or worse. However, in less dangerous situations, a quick response has created a poorer outcome for me.
Finding Balance
There’s a sweet spot, a balance, between giving myself some space to consider an issue, without taking so long to react that I’ve started to procrastinate about it. React too soon and I won’t have considered what the possible results could be. My emotions will make the decision for me.* React too slowly and I will devolve into rumination and delay deciding altogether.
What are some ways to create space around a problem?
Breathe
My favourite tool is still the breath. It’s fast and effective. Taking even one breath before reacting allows my mind some space away from my emotional reaction to the problem.
Do Something Else
A second tool for creating space is literally making space by stepping away from the issue. Do something else for a while. After all, don’t all problems get solved in the shower or while going for a long walk?
“Step away from a problem that is vexing you at the moment, and do something completely different. This is a tried-and-true way of giving yourself the mental room to find an answer or let one come to you. Just remember to return to whatever you were working on after you take a break. (I am now going to put up the patio umbrella and will come back to this in a few minutes).”**
Request Time To Think
A tool that I’m still learning to use is to request space. It’s challenging for me to accept that it’s OK to ask for space and thinking time.
“I’ll have to get back to you on this later.”
“Can you give me a minute to consider that?”
“Let me check my ____ (calendar, schedule, partner) and get back to you.”
It’s also a struggle for me to remember to use this skill in face-to-face communication. The teacher in me is still very eager to make a quick decision. Old habits take intention to change.
What tools do you find most useful to help you make the best decisions for you? Comment below.
*https://manhattanmentalhealthcounseling.com/what-is-emotional-reactivity-and-how-to-end-the-cycle/
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