Every year I wish her a happy birthday. She rarely replies and we don’t communicate for the rest of the year. We used to work together many years ago. Do you think it’s ok to stop messaging her?
By midlife, often the only one stopping us from feeling happier is ourselves. We don’t give ourselves permission. Permission to say no. Permission to say yes. Permission to follow what we know in our heart, is right for us. Permission to start, to listen to ourselves, and to get our own approval for once, and not look for that approval from others.
The Struggle
I work for myself and there’s always things that I need to do to keep the business moving. I struggle with allowing myself to take a holiday.
You may have a pattern of only looking for permission from others (family, bosses, friends) and from the messages you’ve received from the world around you. If what they think you should do doesn’t align with what you truly want, you just live with it.
I shouldn’t be adopting an older cat. They have higher medical needs and they won’t live as long. Everyone says it’s best to get a younger one.
It becomes a pattern: one where it’s easier to abandon yourself rather than deal with others’ judgement. Without giving yourself permission, you have what you have now: fewer possibilities and all the same inner feelings of abandoning yourself.
Tattoos will look terrible on older skin as it gets wrinkly. Why would you want to get a tattoo?
Exercising Permission
Permission can be a real mind shift. It’s an empowering way of thinking. It means standing up for yourself, respecting your reactions and trusting your judgement. It’s a muscle that needs exercising to grow stronger.
You get the tattoo. You take the holiday. You don’t text the person, and you adopt the senior cat.
Yes, trusting yourself is scary. It means acknowledging that there might be failure or push back from others, but that you have the capacity to cope with it. Giving yourself permission expands your life with new possibilities, and it aligns your life with what feels true to you. Guess what? That’s a recipe for happiness!
It’s an idea worth sampling. Try it today or several times over the next week. It can become a regular practice, if you find it useful.
A Simple Exercise In Permission from Psychology Today*
- What am I holding back because I feel I shouldn’t or can’t?
- What would I gain by granting myself permission in this area?
- What small step can I take to practice this permission today?
- Where am I withholding trust—from myself or others?
Write your answers down, say them aloud, or share them with someone. Sometimes, articulating our needs makes them feel more tangible and achievable.*
*https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/gaining-and-sustaining/202501/a-year-of-giving-ourselves-permission
Retired, And Now What? 