A person retired, is a person on-call. You have the flexibility to do things when you want to, and to be available when others are working. As a result, the world has a way of filling your time without you making a conscience choice.
The Obligations Creep In
I’ve seen this happen. At first you don’t notice it. It’s a slow process. You pick up the dry cleaning for a working family member. You walk your son’s dog when he’s busy with a work project. Your neighbour had surgery and can’t do their gardening, and so you offer to help them while they recover. Suddenly, your days are full! You’re tired and you don’t have any energy left to do the things that you wanted to do when you retired.
Using “Should”
Instead of your job keeping you busy, you find yourself doing more caretaking. The word “should” starts to govern your day.
“I have the time, and so I should be making soup from scratch, I should be picking up the grandkids every day from school, and I should be helping my neighbour with their shopping.“
You feel like you’re supposed to be doing these things now that you have time. All these activities may, in fact, be bringing you satisfaction and joy. But, if you refer to them as “should’s,” chances are that you are feeling obligated to do them. They were not an intentional choice.
Should Or Could?
Here’s a way to check to see how you really feel about your schedule. Replace “should” with “could” and see what happens.
“I could make soup from scratch.”
“I could pick up the grandkids every day from school.”
“I could help my neighbour with their shopping.”
Now, these activities are choices and not obligations. It makes a huge difference. You can choose things that are rewarding and valuable to you.
Leave Energy And Time For You
To leave some energy for your interests, give yourself permission to say no to activities that you don’t want as part of this new chapter. There are other ways to meet these needs from buying soup, to picking up your grandkids 2 times a week, and arranging for a grocery delivery service for your neighbour. If you were still working, you would’ve found different solutions, right? You don’t have to be on-call just because you’ve retired. Leave some energy and time for you.
Retired, And Now What? 
This was one of my first observations after I retired, Caroline. If you have time, people will fill it if you let them. Like your should/could swap, I like to say “I choose to” instead of “I have to”. If I can’t legitimately say “I choose to”, then the task probably doesn’t align with my values and how I want to spend my time.
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